Top 100 Most Liked Jokes

Why do Java developers wear glasses?
Because they don't C#
2 👍🏻
When the president is lonely, what does he say?
I'm Obama-self.
1 👍🏻
Have you heard my joke about construction?
I'm still working on it.
1 👍🏻
Wanna hear my construction joke?
I'm still working on it...
1 👍🏻
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and agnostic?
Someone who stays up wondering if there is a dog.
1 👍🏻
You'd think that training raptors is tough...
Imagine Dragons.
1 👍🏻
Why don't robots have any brothers anymore?
Because they have trans-sisters.
1 👍🏻
Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose.
1 👍🏻
Why do traffic lights never go swimming?
Because they spend too much time changing.
1 👍🏻
Where do dads keep their jokes?
In their dadabase.
1 👍🏻
There are 10 types of people on this planet,
those who understand binary and those who don't.
1 👍🏻
Why did the M&M's go to college?
Because they wanted to be smarties.
1 👍🏻
Why were the inventors of the airplane correct in thinking they could fly?
Because they were Wright.
1 👍🏻
Why don't British people pronounce their T's?
Because they're all in the Boston harbor.
1 👍🏻
Why are mountains so funny?
Because they're hill areas.
1 👍🏻
Why don't lobsters ever share anything?
Because they're shellfish
1 👍🏻
What's Forrest Gump's Facebook password?
1forrest1
1 👍🏻
What did one sick casket say to the other?
Is that you coffin?
1 👍🏻
What kind of fish is made of two sodium atoms?
2 Na!
1 👍🏻
What do you call an affectionate island?
Isle of View
1 👍🏻
What's a rappers shirt made out of?
Straight out of cotton
1 👍🏻
Why did Microsoft go directly to Windows 10?
Because Windows 7 8 9
1 👍🏻
What do you call a group of squids?
A squad
1 👍🏻
What happens when you drop a decimal point in water?
It floats.
1 👍🏻
What happens when you throw a green stone into the Red Sea?
It gets wet.
1 👍🏻
What do robots eat?
A bit of this and a byte of that.
1 👍🏻
How can you tell if a clock is hungry?
It goes back for seconds.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a bee that has been run over by a car?
Bee flat
1 👍🏻
Why did the sushi cross the road?
Sushi could get to the other side.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a cow with a twitch?
Beef-jerky.
1 👍🏻
How many South Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A Brazilian.
1 👍🏻
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A Brazilian.
1 👍🏻
What is brown and sticky?
A stick.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about that new restaurant on the moon?
It has great food, but there's no atmosphere.
1 👍🏻
What do thesauruses eat for breakfast?
Synonym rolls.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear what they found in Jeffrey Dahmer's freezer?
Ben and Jerry
1 👍🏻
What do you call an Egyptian spine manipulator?
A Cairo-practor
1 👍🏻
How does a tree access the internet?
It logs on.
1 👍🏻
Who do you call to clean up foul language?
A cuss-todian!
1 👍🏻
What do you call a buyer that likes to curse?
A cusstomer
1 👍🏻
What do you call a computer that sings?
A Dell
1 👍🏻
How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Ten tickles!
1 👍🏻
What is a caterpillar's biggest fear?
A dogerpillar.
1 👍🏻
What did the father buffalo say to his son when he left for college?
Bison
1 👍🏻
What do you call a fat psychic?
A four-chin teller.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a mushroom that likes to party?
A fungi!
1 👍🏻
What has four wheels and flys?
A garbage truck.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a bear without teeth?
A gummy bear.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the teacher who never farted in class?
It turns out she was a private tooter.
1 👍🏻
What is a ghost's favorite airplane?
BOO!eing
1 👍🏻
What do you call a group of ears?
A heard
1 👍🏻
What did the man say when he got his dancing robot to work?
"It twerks!"
1 👍🏻
Why doesn't Sweden export it's cattle?
It wants to keep it's Stockholm!
1 👍🏻
Why did the tree install solar panels?
It wanted to be a power plant.
1 👍🏻
Which of the American forces is the most patriotic?
The Air Force, because its US AF.
1 👍🏻
What is the first thing that vampires learn at school?
The alphabat.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a microbiologist who travels the world?
A man of many cultures
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the robot that was angrier than half of the other robots?
It was in mean median mode.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the circus fire?
It was in tents.
1 👍🏻
What did the green grape say to the purple grape?
Breathe you idiot! Breathe!
1 👍🏻
What do you call a huge pile of cats?
A meowntain.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a cow during an earthquake?
A milkshake
1 👍🏻
What do you get when you cross a cow with a trampoline?
A milkshake!
1 👍🏻
What's the difference between a cow who makes regular milk and a cow who makes chocolate milk?
A mootation.
1 👍🏻
What kind of bee can't be understood?
A mumble bee!
1 👍🏻
What did Euler find in his toilet?
A natural log
1 👍🏻
What did the pamphlet say to the booklet when it asked for help?
Bro sure!
1 👍🏻
Whats the difference between a man and a government bond?
The bond matures.
1 👍🏻
Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself?
It was too tired...
1 👍🏻
What sound does a street sweeper make?
Broom broom
1 👍🏻
What's Canada's spy agency?
The CI, eh?
1 👍🏻
What's the relationship between the pound, the dollar, and the ruble?
A pound of rubles is worth one dollar.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the upcoming play based on the life of Elton John?
It's a little bit funny.
1 👍🏻
How are one out of three American boats born?
By Sea-Section.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a group of rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
1 👍🏻
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
By walking. JK... Rowling.
1 👍🏻
How do you eat a computer?
Byte by byte.
1 👍🏻
How do you spell Canada?
C, eh, N, eh, D, eh
1 👍🏻
Where do boats go when they're sick?
The Doc
1 👍🏻
What do you call a vessel full of academics?
A scholarship.
1 👍🏻
What do you get when you cross a computer with a lifeguard?
A screensaver.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a girl shell?
A she shell.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a female Israelite?
A Shebrew
1 👍🏻
What do you call it when a banana eats another banana?
Canabananalism
1 👍🏻
What do you call a zoo that only has one dog?
A Shih Tzu
1 👍🏻
What do you call a psychic midget wanted by the police?
A small medium at large.
1 👍🏻
Where do poor Italians live?
A spaghetto.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?
It's fine, he woke up.
1 👍🏻
Whats long, brown, and sticky?
A stick.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the infant drag races?
It's formula won.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a dog in a submarine?
A subwoofer
1 👍🏻
What do you call a Mexican that's lost his car?
Carlos
1 👍🏻
If two wrongs don't make a right, what do two rights make?
The first airplane.
1 👍🏻
What's the difference between a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?
A tire.
1 👍🏻
What do you call a belt with a watch on it?
A waist of time.
1 👍🏻
So what if I don't know what Armageddon means?
It's not the end of the world.
1 👍🏻
Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?
He's all right now.
1 👍🏻
What is the color of the wind?
Blew.
1 👍🏻
Have you heard of the book about airplane factories?
It's riveting.
1 👍🏻
Have you heard about the new broom they invented?
Its sweeping the nation!
1 👍🏻